MTVP So Cal Summer 2016: UnREAL 1.08: "Two"

“You are literally insane if you think I am going to marry a girl I met three weeks ago.”
-Adam

In this episode of UnREAL, Adam has arrived at his final four: Grace, Anna, Faith, and Shamiqua. This means that everyone involved in the show, both cast and crew, are trying to figure out their plans for post-show and put themselves in the best possible position for post-show success. Jockeying for post-show success leads to even more manipulation than usual, or maybe it’s just a different kind of manipulation. Rachel, Grace, Anna, and Adam all get caught up in Quinn and Chet gunning for a spinoff show, and it isn’t pretty. In addition, the relationship drama continues to ramp up, both with Quinn and Chet and the Lizzie/Jeremy/Rachel/Adam quadrangle of doom (not quite as doom-y as “Lost’s” quadrangle, I think, but some doom is definitely present nonetheless). I continue to not at all see what Quinn sees in Chet, and I think she’s starting to realize Chet is a mistake, too.

Underpinning this whole episode is a video call where the network gives Quinn and Chet the go-ahead for a show called Royal Love. The premise is that Adam and Grace would have gotten married in the Everlasting season finale (to keep with the extremes of the season), and this spinoff would follow their life back in the UK, with Grace trying to adjust to society life. The jerk from the network specifically suggests he wants to see Grace in this role because of her bikini model bona fides. Quinn and Chet talk to Adam and Grace about the idea. Grace is all in and ready to sign on the dotted line, but Adam’s not having it at all. Part of it is the idea of the sham marriage, and part of it is playing up his English society family, which he has been trying to distance himself from (and they from him). Chet enlists Rachel to try and get buy-in from Adam, and in exchange, he promises that she’ll be showrunner of Royal Love.

Meanwhile, Grace is so enthusiastic about the future plans for the show that she’s practicing a British accent in front of a mirror. Anna sees this and calls Grace on it. Grace basically tells Anna everything about the plans for Royal Love. Anna brings this up to Rachel, and Rachel tries to salvage the situation by telling Anna that she thinks she would be great for Royal Love, and she’s going to try to make that happen. Chet would prefer Grace, but he ultimately doesn’t care which of the two women gets the spinoff, so Rachel goes to work. Adam, of course, still hates the idea, for the reasons I already mentioned. Rachel brings this back to Chet, and he has a completely insane response. He gets Rachel into a Ferrari and has her drive faster and faster. He wants to push her past her comfort level, so at one point, he pushes her foot down on the gas pedal. Rachel almost gets in an accident, but she manages to stop the car just in time. When they arrive back at the set, Rachel gets out of the car and immediately vomits.

Meanwhile, it’s spa date week on Everlasting. Each of the spa dates are pretty ridiculous. Grace freaks out as her treatment is a little too close to being buried alive. Adam and Faith are supposed to sensually smear mud on each other, but at Faith’s prompting, they turn it into a mud fight instead. They have a fabulous time, but of course Quinn is furious. She wants sexy times, not friends playing in the mud. Encouraged by Rachel to really make a pass at Adam, the tantric yoga session with Adam and Anna starts out a little more to Quinn’s liking. Then Anna mentions something about what their lives would be like back in England, and Adam immediately knows she’s been given the Royal Love offer too. He finds the idea so appalling that he ends the date right then and there. After her little incident with Chet, however, Rachel finally figures out how to get Adam to agree to a spinoff. She proposes that he make a deal for a show called Royal Renovations, where he would get control of the vineyard back instead of it being the Everlasting Resort. He wouldn’t get married to Anna – just engaged – and they would work on the renovations together for the show. This is a bit more to Adam’s liking, and he agrees to the plan, making a big apology to Anna. The apology (and subsequent make-out session) kind of bugs Rachel.

Which means, of course, it’s on to the romantic entanglements of the episode! First we’ll start with everybody’s least favorite couple, Quinn and Chet. At the end of the previous episode, Chet announced that he told his pregnant wife that he wants a divorce. Real classy, Chet. Understandably, in this episode, his wife wants to get as much monetary compensation for this fuckery as she can. Chet however, convinces her that they should reach a financial settlement outside of court. He tells Quinn that he had to pay tens of millions of dollars, but she was worth it. And then he proposes to Quinn. Like a complete idiot, she accepts. Again, I really don’t at all see what Quinn sees in him. He’s a sleazy drug addict, and I really don’t find him at all charming. Apparently newbie PA Madison finds Chet just as charming as Quinn does, though. They have a few friendly conversations, and by the end of the episode, she’s giving him a blow job. Quinn sees this happening, and she’s devastated. She goes to a safe and exchanges her engagement ring for a flash drive, then she goes and tells Chet that she’s ready to get married in Vegas ASAP. I can only wonder what she’s up to, because it can’t be good!

On the quadrangle of doom front, you may recall that Jeremy and Rachel had what Rachel called “grief sex” in the last episode. In this episode, Jeremy feels kind of guilty (maybe?) and ends up breaking up with Lizzie, who was already to get married despite her previous misgivings. Jeremy tries to tell this to Rachel (presumably because he wants to get back together), but Rachel is too preoccupied to have time to talk with him. At the end of the episode, he stops by the electrical truck, but she’s not there. He texts her, and she’s not going to be answering any time soon, because she’s having sex with Adam. He finally said that what he really wants is her, not any of the contestants, and there you have it.