New Girl 2.09: "Eggs"

“What if all that's left are the weird eggs? And the evil eggs? I can feel them! They're turning. They've watched their brothers and sisters die. And now they want to be birthed. I need to be fertilized! Fertilize me, Los Angeles!”
-Jess

Other than Jess’ hysteria in the middle part of this episode (and some very questionable medical information), I thought “Eggs” was a cute and enjoyable watch. Oh and I was so thankful that the ridiculous contract relationship between Schmidt and the VP at his company is over almost as soon as it got started, too. It was much more sad than funny, and the way it ended was kind of empowering for both parties. So kudos, creative powers that be, for that one. I also enjoyed the Nick (and tangentially Winston) plot where Nick is challenged to finish something he starts for once in his life and ends up trying to finish the long talked about zombie novel. I liked that we got a little glimpse of Winston’s job and how he’s good at it and enjoys it, but I’m afraid his “adjusted schedule” is going to minimize what could be an entertaining character. What I didn’t especially love was the A story of this episode, where Jess and Cece both deal with the question of their fertility. The resolution was nice enough, but Jess’ hysterics getting to that point really bothered me.

The episode begins with Jess, Cece, and Nick having dinner with Jess’ gynecologist friend Sadie and Sadie’s wife. Sadie announces she’s pregnant, which is pretty joyous until Sadie makes a comment about how she squeaked in just under the line, considering fertility decreases significantly around age 30. This causes Jess to start freaking out, because she’s 30 and wants a family, but she’s nowhere near the point where she’d be able to, considering she’s not even in a relationship at the moment. Cece is much more blasé about the whole thing, claiming she may want kids someday, but definitely not now. Meanwhile, the gang can also hear Schmidt and his boss having sex in the next room. Schmidt’s boss isn’t impressed, so Schmidt joins the group in the dining room and begs for advice from Sadie (considering she’s a lesbian gynecologist, he figures she’s an authority on all things vagina). Sadie says that if Schmidt makes an appointment and pays the copay, she’ll give him the advice he’s asking for.

After Sadie and her wife leave, Jess has an epic freak-out. She starts going on and on about how she must be practically barren and all that’s left are the weird and evil eggs. She even yells out the window “fertilize me, Los Angeles” and “give my nipples purpose.” This doesn’t quite have the effect she was hoping for (there’s some heckling). What’s kind of amusing is that all the guys in the loft offer to be the father of Jess’ child (Jess, thankfully, declines). Jess and Cece visit Sadie so she can test their fertility and they’ll know their status for sure. Kind of predictably, Jess is unusually fertile, while Cece needs to start trying to have kids now if she ever wants to have any at all. Even though Cece wasn’t all gung ho about having kids, this does give her pause. She was expecting to have a lot more time to figure out how she felt about the issue, but clearly nature has other plans. Cece talks to Robbie about kids in general, and he says he wants kids, but not for another ten years or so. Clearly this relationship isn’t going to last long-term (which was pretty obvious).

Nick, shaken both by the fertility drama and a visit to Winston’s studio where Winston is clearly competent and happy, decides that he needs to finish the zombie romance novel he’s been talking about for years. He encounters writers’ block almost immediately, and in a vintage (hilarious) Jake Johnson semi-nonsensical rant, Nick declares that he is not going to try to be like Hemmingway. He wants to experience life so he has things to write about. Experiencing life turns into going to the zoo and drinking from a flask (apparently alcohol is “writer juice”). Nick also drags poor Winston along with him, even though, thanks to the “adjusted sleep schedule,” Winston has only had thirteen minutes of sleep. After Nick is pretty much falling down drunk and still wanting to look at the animals, Winston has had it. He accuses Nick of continuing to procrastinate and never finishing anything.

Meanwhile, Schmidt does actually make an appointment to see Sadie. He describes his various techniques to her in detail, and it actually turns Sadie on, which I thought was just kind of weird. Sadie claims that the pregnancy hormones are a lot less gay than she is. I don’t know readers, is this actually a thing? Anyway, Sadie’s reaction reassures Schmidt that he is indeed good in bed. After another round of sex that gets only mediocre praise from the VP, Schmidt has had it. He has it on good authority from both his model ex-girlfriend and a lesbian gynecologist that his technique is in the top percentile. Emma, the VP, basically calls Schmidt on having mentioned Cece on too many times to her. She thinks she has diagnosed the problem. She’s still in love with her ex-husband and Schmidt is still in love with Cece. Two people in love with other people do not have good sex, understandably. Schmidt is a little thrown by the fact that, thanks to Cece, he has to be in love to have good sex now.

The roommates all realize now (except for Winston, who really already realized it) that they’re adults now, and that’s scary. They have big decisions to make in their lives. That’s scary, though, so they all revel in a bit of childishness. Jess, Nick, and Schmidt all snuggle in Nick’s bed while Winston reads them Nick’s really terrible (but complete) zombie novel. There’s even a word search (without any actual words) in the middle of it. It’s a nice found family moment for the roommates, even if it’s just a brief respite from the bigger, real adult issues they’re all facing, and I think that’s what makes it sweet. Oh, and Nick is totally going to be the father of Jess’ babies, for better or worse (those are going to be some seriously neurotic kids). They’re just delaying the inevitable!